Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I've blown a few things in my day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
