Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
