I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
