i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
