Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
