Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
