we have pet lesbian snakes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize