ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
