Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
