were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize