Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
accomplished twins. life is a go
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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