Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
