hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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