Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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