Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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