i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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