I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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