Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
