I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
