thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We’re leaving where are you
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