Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
