he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
