my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
