i think i have two assholes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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