I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
