It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I faked an abortion last night.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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