Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
