So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
