She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
