I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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