He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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