True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
