U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
