just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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