Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
