My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
