i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
