I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
