oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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