Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
