People with herpes should wear stickers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
tell me about the fingering
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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