There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
