he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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