hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
