I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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