you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's always time for handjobs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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