i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
