He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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