Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize