Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
