that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
