I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
