went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
