I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to make out with him forever
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
