I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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