onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
