Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
