I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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