franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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