Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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