This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
