the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize