They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
