i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
