If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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