as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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