tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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