Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
