i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
