I just pynch a tree in the face
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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