I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize