all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
