It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
