This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
