Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
