I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
