if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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