I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
