Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
