Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
