The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
