Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
